Bitchy Birthday

Yesterday was my birthday and I cried most of the afternoon and evening. Let me start from the beginning. Sissy, Stepmom, and I went to San Francisco last Thursday to celebrate my stepmom's 60th birthday. ( I know you're thinking quit being bitchy, you got to go to San Fran). I worked really hard and saved my money since March to go on this trip. I've had it planned and took off from work, even set up the kids with grandparents, so Hubby wouldn't have to do too much except drive them around. He stayed in SA with his mom and the kids. Had a great time in SF, though I was exhausted from walking for 3 days straight and the time change. Got back to SA around 1am Sunday night/Monday morning. Stepmom's luggage got sent to San Diego for some strange reason. Slept in until 8:30 Monday morning and drove home. I knew Abbey had a rough few days while I was gone, but I wanted one more day of just being me. I wanted to get a massage, unpack, relax, before I had to go adult and parent again. I knew if the kids were to see me, they'd never go to the sitter's that day. I told hubby that, and to please take them. Instead he chose to keep them at home. So I came home to wild kids, and a messy disgusting house. On my birthday. He didn't even think to do the dishes that had been sitting there since Thursday. He didn't think to take out the trash or recycling. Or put up any of their clothes or straighten up the living room. And then I found out he really hadn't taken off from work last night. I was hoping he was going to surprise me and stay home, but no. He really didn't. We went to lunch and then got raspas. When we got home, he hadn't been paying attention and the batteries on the security deadbolt died. So guess who couldn't get into their house all afternoon in 98 degree heat? As soon as we finally broke into our house, Abbey had to nap and I had to get their stuff ready for dance. After dance, none of my friends wanted to meet up for the baseball game or dinner or anything. I was so hurt and sad. I could barely breathe from how sad I was. Birthdays are important to me and I always try to make people's birthday special for them. I don't know why it was so crushing, but it was and still is. I did come to work and my desk was decorated and coworker baked me cake, cleaned my desk, and they also bought me a bad ass heater since I am always complaining about being cold. It's sad when your coworkers do more for you than your husband.   Hubby works 6 days this week, then he's out of town next week, and then he works 6 days the following week. I do everything mostly by myself. I wanted one day to feel special and relax and do nothing. And I didn't get that.

A new word for Exhausted

I need a new word for exhausted. Because I am tired of using that one over and over again. And most days it feels like that word doesn't begin to cover how I feel. Hubby being on night shift makes me feel like a single parent. I took the girls out of town for my stepmom's surprise birthday party, and they acted like they've been living in a cave and have never been in a restaurant before. Screaming at the top of their lungs, and running around. I feel like the asshole for having bad kids and I feel like an asshole for being mean to my kids. And we were all so tired yesterday, and they were just insane and I was too tired to put up with it. And I go to bed feeling like the worst parent in the world. I work full time, and we have a lot of things going on on the weekends, and I am fixing to take a night class in the Fall. Yes they are in dance classes, and yes we go to parties and things like that, but I see all these parents who do crafts and stuff like that with their kids, and that's just not me. I feel like such a lazy failure. I hate night shift because it exaggerates everything. Makes everything harder. The kids miss Marty. My 2nd daughter barely goes to him because she doesn't see him as often. And that saddens me. The kids are going to my parents this weekend, and I hope to get some rest and a new outlook on life.

It's been a while.

I know it's been a while. So much going on. School is taking up a lot of my time. Family is taking up a lot of my time. Work is taking too much of my time. Hubby was out of town for a conference, and the kids were at Grandma's. I worked a booth for our K9 Memorial Fund at a BBQ and now I am sick from the BBQ smoke. I also had to coach TBall with Abbey attached to my hip. She refused to let me put her down and so now my back hurts from bending down and picking up balls while holding her. But she wanted to play ball so bad, it was so cute. And I am PMSing so I was in a bad mood all day yesterday. I am achy and I need more sleep.

Watched a video of the Brawl in Arizona. That was insane. It was only funny because the officer were okay. But that was ridiculous. And a Christian band and family at that. I am so digusted.

Recharging weekend and other stuff

Kids went to their grandparents for the weekend. It was awesome. Got some sleep. Cleaned up just a tiny bit. Hubby and I got some date time. I got to go bra shopping with out screaming children, so that was nice.
Friday, we went out with some other couples to a Country Dance Bar, after we dropped off the kids. Stayed out until 1:30am. Only had a few drinks but felt so hungover the next morning, since we were up so late. Got up, ate breakfast with Hubby, sent him off fishing, and I went shopping. Thank you Bonus Weekend!
Hubby forgot to make reservations for Saturday night dinner at my favorite restaurant, so we went to another place. Wildflower. It was pretty darn good, especially for being 2nd choice. I am just glad they could get us in. I was so disappointed about Gumbos (my favorite), that I almost started crying. I had been looking forward to it for weeks. I think Hubby knows he messed up. Hopefully this will be a life lesson for him on not forgetting. I was nice about it, just kept reminding myself that we were blessed to be able to go anywhere at all.
Then I went and got my tattoo! I would post a picture of it, but it's not letting me. I got Matthew 5:9 on my wrist. I loves it super hard. It's for my Hubby and our Thin Blue Line Family. I was going to get Abbey's feet on my foot, but lost the card with the imprint. I was so looking forward to getting it. I am so disappointed in myself.
Then we went to Brass Tap, a local place in town, and met up with some friends. It was awesome just relaxing and hanging out. I had only 2 drinks, didn't want to feel like shit on my day off.
Slept in Sunday morning. Hubby and I grabbed brunch and promptly ignored each other while we placed on our phones for a while. Cleaned a few things up. Went and got kids. Promptly wished they had stayed at their grandparents. Haha. Harper had diarrhea, so we had to pull over on the side of the road for her to poop. That was gross. We also stayed home Monday to make sure we didn't pass it along.
Harper and I made homemade muffins and a semihomemade dinner. No body likes the muffins, exccept me and the dinner was a huge hit. Harper loves to do the dishes, and I encourage her to help me. I want the help as long as I can get it.
We also found out who cut Abbey's hair. Friday night, when we were out to eat, I tried to put Abbey's hair in a ponytail, and noticed it was a lot shorter and harder to do. I asked the baby sitter if she cut her hair, and she said no. I was so upset all weekend, because that was her 1st hair cut. Harper didn't have her hair cut until she was 3. So Hubby did a police interview technique on her, and got a full confession. She showed us which scissors she used and which trashcan she threw all the hair away in. At least it's a good story for the future, and I know her hair will grow back. Right it's a mullet though, sorry baby.
This post is all over the place and long but I don't even know if anyone is reading, so there.
One of the wives has cancer. She doesn't want anyone to know, her right, but she isn't doing well. She's probably in the final stages. And what blows me away is she refused Chemo. She has a young daughter. The wife is very organic and only eats certain organic foods, etc. If I got cancer, I would move Heaven and Hell and take anything I could to try and get better. I don't know her whole story, so I am trying not to judge. And I would also let Hubby tell people. Not for me, but for supporting my Hubby. Let people make him and the girls dinner. Let people watch the girls so he could go up to the hospital or take me to appointments. Let people help with money. Let people help. Because when I am gone, he's going to need a lot of support. It just makes me so sad, she's probably going to have to leave her family. And I don't feel she did everything in her power to get better. So yes, I guess that's me judging. Her husband knows we are here for them, and are just waiting until we get the all clear to help. I will say she did experimental treatments in Mexico, and they seemed to work. But she picked up a virus while down there and it set her back. It would knock down a normally healthy person, but for someone with a weakened immune system, it's devestating. If you're reading this please keep their family in your prayers. They need all they can get.
I'll leave you on that heavy note.

Kidless Weekend

It's Valentine's Weekend and the girls are going to their grandparents!! The thing I am most excited about? Sleep. And lack of responsibilty. Like for serious. I am a mom, so my brain is never turned off. It's exhausting. And I will worry about them at my parents. Because that's what moms do. I will probably even have an anxiety attack about them being gone. But is the panic enough that they would stay at home with us? That's a negative Ghost Rider. I value my sleep and sanity too much. In theory, we are meeting up with friends tonight after we drop the girls off.
Then, I am going to do some light shopping tomorrow morning. Bras are needed, and other than the sleep, it's one of the top highlights of my weekend. Hubby forgot to make reservations anywhere, so we are going to my favorite special place, Gumbos North, around 4 to try and get a seat. After that, I am getting tattoos!! I am so freaking excited. I am getting "Matthew 5:9" and Abbey's feetprint on my foot. I have Harper's on there, and I need to do Abbey's. It's only fair. I already have 3. Tribal trampstamp, from when I was 16. Harper's feet, and the Irish Trinity on my wrist. Once you get some, they become addicting.
I will probably read some of my pre test info. I need to get an Anatomy book. It;s time to get started, so I am not overwhelmed towards the end.
I hope everyone has a great Valentine's Day Weekend. Remember to love all year round.