Too to apologize

I feel like all I am doing is apologizing lately. To everyone. I don't have enough time in the day. I don't give 100% to anyone. My 1 class is taking up a lot of time. I keep telling myself it will be over soon. I've only got a few more weeks. And then working full time. The K9 Memorial Fund stuff. The kiddos. I am trying really hard to be more patient with them. I hate myself after I yell at them. I don't understand why they don't understand I am at my limit lol. They are growing up so fast, and so beautiful. God they are so beautiful, inside and out. Abbey is coming into her own personality. She's so hard headed and learning all the things, and every day she says a new word and I am like where did this come from?? Harper is such a heart breakingly good sweet loveably girl and I am missing out on this and with me being so tired and impatient, I am too mean to her. Too mean. And with the ugly voice. While talking about it here, is cathartic, it doesn't fix the situation. Only love and patience will. She is talking to her dolls the same way I talk to her and that's unacceptable.

It's been a while.

I know it's been a while. So much going on. School is taking up a lot of my time. Family is taking up a lot of my time. Work is taking too much of my time. Hubby was out of town for a conference, and the kids were at Grandma's. I worked a booth for our K9 Memorial Fund at a BBQ and now I am sick from the BBQ smoke. I also had to coach TBall with Abbey attached to my hip. She refused to let me put her down and so now my back hurts from bending down and picking up balls while holding her. But she wanted to play ball so bad, it was so cute. And I am PMSing so I was in a bad mood all day yesterday. I am achy and I need more sleep.

Watched a video of the Brawl in Arizona. That was insane. It was only funny because the officer were okay. But that was ridiculous. And a Christian band and family at that. I am so digusted.

Life too fast

We went to a carnival last night, and both girls rode a pony, and then Harper rode a camel. The girl who ran screaming from Spike 2 years ago, is now riding ponies and camels. I am thrilled by this, but it makes me realize how fast this goes by. So many things happen so fast. I feel like I am grabbing at memories, and they are flying by me. I signed up Abbey for dance starting in July. I don't know if she's ready for it, but we will find out. I don't want to not try.
 I am also working full time, and taking 1 class online. I am so proud of myself for taking this class and I pray I can continue with the same dedication I have now. It's going to be hard, financially, mentally, all that "ly" stuff, but I HAVE to finish this. I have to see through with school. I need to finish something in my life. If I can't get a degree, why should my children. I want to inspire them. I need to hug them more. That was my random thought when thinking about them.
Harper starts Kindergarten in the Fall and there are so many things happening leading up to that. I am finding it hard to let go. She's going to have to make decisions on her own and go off training we have given so far. She's such a sweet kind trusting person, and that is so good, it can harm her too. I think this is something every parent must feel and go through as you go through transitions. But I am just taking it to heart.

Working out

Lately, I've been getting up at 5 am to go workout. Yeah, I know it's crazy. Especially for me. But I like it. I actually like it. And I didn't go Wednesday morning, because St. Patrick's Day tiredness, and I actually missed it. What is wrong with me??

Didn't mean to take so long

Whoops, Didn't mean to go so long without posting. Not much has been going on. Signed up for an online class to help me prepare for the test in June. I have to take a test to even register for Anatomy. I was going to try and do it on my own, but I'd feel more prepared if I took this class. And one happens to be starting March 23. Good timing.
We go next Monday to register Harper for Kindergarten. Already. I can't believe my baby is going to be 5. I am petrified of sending her to a big school where I have no control over what happens to her. I am worried that she will be scared or lost. What if someone takes her? What if she's unhappy? What about all the What ifs?? I guess this is part of letting them grow up. We've talked to her about stranger danger, and will keep reiterating it all the time.
I did a mockup of my school schedule. I wish I could register right now. I am so excited. I just want to get started. I wish we could afford for me to start in the summer, but we just can't. We are starting to pay off more bills. Trying to eat more at home. Less luxuries. Going to buckle down.
I say less luxuries, but here I am planning 2 trips. One for the girls' birthdays. It will be a dual trip down to the beach. And then in late July, going to San Francisco with my stepmom and Sissy. I am so excited. I have never been. I am starting to save up now, so hopefully it won't hurt too much in the pocketbooks while we are there. We are going to go to Alcatraz and do some winery tours. It'll be a quick weekend trip.
Not much to report right now. I am going to try and be better about this.
Hubby has had stuff going on at work that is making the papers. I feel for him and his shift, but the guy did it to himself. I have little to no patience which is surprising.This guy lost his career and his way of life, owed to stupid choices he made. Ugh.

Recharging weekend and other stuff

Kids went to their grandparents for the weekend. It was awesome. Got some sleep. Cleaned up just a tiny bit. Hubby and I got some date time. I got to go bra shopping with out screaming children, so that was nice.
Friday, we went out with some other couples to a Country Dance Bar, after we dropped off the kids. Stayed out until 1:30am. Only had a few drinks but felt so hungover the next morning, since we were up so late. Got up, ate breakfast with Hubby, sent him off fishing, and I went shopping. Thank you Bonus Weekend!
Hubby forgot to make reservations for Saturday night dinner at my favorite restaurant, so we went to another place. Wildflower. It was pretty darn good, especially for being 2nd choice. I am just glad they could get us in. I was so disappointed about Gumbos (my favorite), that I almost started crying. I had been looking forward to it for weeks. I think Hubby knows he messed up. Hopefully this will be a life lesson for him on not forgetting. I was nice about it, just kept reminding myself that we were blessed to be able to go anywhere at all.
Then I went and got my tattoo! I would post a picture of it, but it's not letting me. I got Matthew 5:9 on my wrist. I loves it super hard. It's for my Hubby and our Thin Blue Line Family. I was going to get Abbey's feet on my foot, but lost the card with the imprint. I was so looking forward to getting it. I am so disappointed in myself.
Then we went to Brass Tap, a local place in town, and met up with some friends. It was awesome just relaxing and hanging out. I had only 2 drinks, didn't want to feel like shit on my day off.
Slept in Sunday morning. Hubby and I grabbed brunch and promptly ignored each other while we placed on our phones for a while. Cleaned a few things up. Went and got kids. Promptly wished they had stayed at their grandparents. Haha. Harper had diarrhea, so we had to pull over on the side of the road for her to poop. That was gross. We also stayed home Monday to make sure we didn't pass it along.
Harper and I made homemade muffins and a semihomemade dinner. No body likes the muffins, exccept me and the dinner was a huge hit. Harper loves to do the dishes, and I encourage her to help me. I want the help as long as I can get it.
We also found out who cut Abbey's hair. Friday night, when we were out to eat, I tried to put Abbey's hair in a ponytail, and noticed it was a lot shorter and harder to do. I asked the baby sitter if she cut her hair, and she said no. I was so upset all weekend, because that was her 1st hair cut. Harper didn't have her hair cut until she was 3. So Hubby did a police interview technique on her, and got a full confession. She showed us which scissors she used and which trashcan she threw all the hair away in. At least it's a good story for the future, and I know her hair will grow back. Right it's a mullet though, sorry baby.
This post is all over the place and long but I don't even know if anyone is reading, so there.
One of the wives has cancer. She doesn't want anyone to know, her right, but she isn't doing well. She's probably in the final stages. And what blows me away is she refused Chemo. She has a young daughter. The wife is very organic and only eats certain organic foods, etc. If I got cancer, I would move Heaven and Hell and take anything I could to try and get better. I don't know her whole story, so I am trying not to judge. And I would also let Hubby tell people. Not for me, but for supporting my Hubby. Let people make him and the girls dinner. Let people watch the girls so he could go up to the hospital or take me to appointments. Let people help with money. Let people help. Because when I am gone, he's going to need a lot of support. It just makes me so sad, she's probably going to have to leave her family. And I don't feel she did everything in her power to get better. So yes, I guess that's me judging. Her husband knows we are here for them, and are just waiting until we get the all clear to help. I will say she did experimental treatments in Mexico, and they seemed to work. But she picked up a virus while down there and it set her back. It would knock down a normally healthy person, but for someone with a weakened immune system, it's devestating. If you're reading this please keep their family in your prayers. They need all they can get.
I'll leave you on that heavy note.

Kidless Weekend

It's Valentine's Weekend and the girls are going to their grandparents!! The thing I am most excited about? Sleep. And lack of responsibilty. Like for serious. I am a mom, so my brain is never turned off. It's exhausting. And I will worry about them at my parents. Because that's what moms do. I will probably even have an anxiety attack about them being gone. But is the panic enough that they would stay at home with us? That's a negative Ghost Rider. I value my sleep and sanity too much. In theory, we are meeting up with friends tonight after we drop the girls off.
Then, I am going to do some light shopping tomorrow morning. Bras are needed, and other than the sleep, it's one of the top highlights of my weekend. Hubby forgot to make reservations anywhere, so we are going to my favorite special place, Gumbos North, around 4 to try and get a seat. After that, I am getting tattoos!! I am so freaking excited. I am getting "Matthew 5:9" and Abbey's feetprint on my foot. I have Harper's on there, and I need to do Abbey's. It's only fair. I already have 3. Tribal trampstamp, from when I was 16. Harper's feet, and the Irish Trinity on my wrist. Once you get some, they become addicting.
I will probably read some of my pre test info. I need to get an Anatomy book. It;s time to get started, so I am not overwhelmed towards the end.
I hope everyone has a great Valentine's Day Weekend. Remember to love all year round.